Sunday, November 9, 2008

Not Pregnant

Well, we had an emotional journey this past week. I apologize for not posting for so long but I kind of felt like I didn't want to jinx it or something... and I was feeling positive about it but I didn't want to say that and be wrong.

Anyway, as you can tell from the title, I am not pregnant but it's a longer story this time so let me explain. I am relatively sure I had what is called a "chemical pregnancy" which is both a good thing and a disappointment. We tested 3 days before my expected period and got a negative and then tested the day before and I saw a very faint line which is considered a positive result. I was having a few symptoms of pregnancy, the most obvious of which was that my breasts were really tender and sensitive. And I definitely *felt* like I was pregnant, for whatever that's worth. From that point on however, every test I took said negative. I didn't get my period on the 27th day of my cycle as expected, or the 28th for that matter so that made us a little more excited. But then yesterday, the 28th day, my temperature dropped slightly which worried me because that's typical before I get my period and today when I woke up it had dropped even more and I realized I had gotten my period.

So, like I've said before, it's highly unusual for me to be late and it is typical of a chemical pregnancy to have a later period. I said this was disappointing, of course, but it's also good news because it indicates that pregnancy is possible (neither Rob nor I are sterile... phew!) and likely in the future.

From what I've read, it's not known exactly what causes a chemical pregnancy but it's thought that it's due to chromosomal abnormalities with the fetus because of poor quality sperm or egg or other developmental problems. Generally, it seems common and most people wouldn't know it had happened unless they're watching their cycles like a hawk and testing early like I have been. :-)

Anyway, we were disappointed this morning when we found out because we were thinking there was a good chance we had a baby on the way. But we laid down and cuddled and talked about it and we both feel fine about it. We have a happy life, baby or not. If we were pregnant but it didn't happen, it was obviously for a reason.

A few good things about this: I get to start drinking coffee and alcohol again. I get to start eating yummy candy and fried foods again. I can relax on watching my cycle for a while. I can relax about being super healthy for a while. We have more time to acquire some savings before we start trying again. We have more time to finish our addition to our house so we have more usable room for our baby and our stuff. Next time, we won't have to stop trying if it doen't work right away because any time I get pregnant from August on, I will be done with my classes by the time I have a baby.

So, I probably won't be posting for a while but when I start again, I'll let y'all know. Thanks for keeping up with us and thanks for all the good vibes!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Attempt #2

Well, Rob is here right now for our second attempt at insemination. I think we timed it perfectly this time. It's Friday, he came here on Tuesday. I'm pretty sure I ovulated Thursday night meaning that we were able to do the inseminations both before, during and immediately after ovulation which is ideal. So my chances for getting pregnant this time are much higher than last.

I bought this new gadget - a fertility microscope. I just put some saliva on the lens first thing in the morning and wait for it to dry. If it looks like a bunch of ferns I'm very fertile. If it looks like dots, I'm not, and if it's somewhere in between I'm in transition toward or away from ovulation. It took a couple of days to get the hang of it and figure out how to get a good sample (I usually have to try 2-3 times before it works. Yesterday it showed a definite ferning pattern and, along with the other ovulation indicators I've been watching, it makes it pretty clear that yesterday was the day. So... YAY! We got it right this time. It makes it much harder to have to hope for a regular cycle (which I usually have) and work around our schedules and buy plane tickets and all that but you have to do what you have to do.

Our lives have been so busy since the last time we tried to get pregnant that we haven't had too much time to think about all of this which is ultimately a very good thing. I think us being more relaxed about it and ready to just go with the flow will make whatever the result is that much easier to take. It also makes the insemination process a lot less stressful. Clearly we really want to get pregnant, but we're both pretty laid back about stuff like this and we know that what is meant to happen will. I feel like I've got plenty of years still to have children so there's no point in focusing all of my hopes in one or two attempts when there can be so many variables in play.

With that said, this is very exciting and we are both very hopeful that it will turn out the way we want!

Random funny story: Rob probably won't tell you this (if he ever posts a blog...) but he was telling me that before he came here he was going through what he refers to as the "Big Dry Spell," (he can't orgasm for 5 days) and he was having a certain type of dream. Before anything happened he woke himself up thinking "No! The lesbians need me!" Now that's dedication! :-)

Monday, October 13, 2008

No babies yet

As you can tell from my title, there are no babies in my belly yet. I got my period yesterday morning, right on schedule so... that is a pretty clear sign.

We are disappointed of course, but we've been trying to keep our feet on the ground about this whole thing so we're not devastated or anything. The excruciating wait to find out pregnant or not pregnant is balanced by the fact that we don't have to wait long now to try again. Rob will be coming down again next week for a second try at insemination. I ovulate between 11-13 days after the first day of my period so that means Wednesday-Friday next week.

I think part of the reason it wasn't successful last time is because we weren't able to do the insemination until the day of the ovulation and since I don't know the exact time of ovulation it is possible we could have missed the window completely. This time we'll make sure he comes down early enough to get started before ovulation. Since the sperm can live up to 5 days inside my body, doing it earlier will give us better chances.

If the insemination doesn't take this time we'll be waiting until next August to try again. We're both anxious to finish our degrees and this is the last chance we'll have this year that won't interfere with school. I don't want to have to drop out of school for a semester and I want to have some time at home with the baby after it's first born. Thus... if it doesn't work this time, we'll take a little break from trying. So... sorry to all of you that are anxious for us to have babies, but we don't want to be poor for the rest of our lives and we want to be able to feed any baby we have... therefore, school/careers have to remain a high priority. This is the good thing about being gay going through this process, we have total control over planning our pregnancy. No mistakes here. :-)

Anyway, keep sending us fertile thoughts and wish us luck for attempt #2.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Bad news is no news

Ok, so "Missy" woke me up this morning an hour and a half before I had to be up because she couldn't stand to wait any longer for me to take the pregnancy test. So I did and it was negative. Now, we were slightly disappointed but not particularly, for a few reasons. First, the test is only, like, 50% effective or less when you test that early and it said something about waiting at least 19 days from the day you think you got pregnant and it has been... oh... 12. Second, I am supposed to be getting my period this coming Monday so really, if I do or if I don't, that will be a more accurate and dependable sign. I never miss. If I don't get it, we'll test again on Monday and then if it's still negative we'll wait a few more days and test again.

On the other hand, if I get my period next week, we'll call "Ron" and get the process started again. The first time we did it wasn't timed quite as well as it could have been since we did the insemination on the day I ovulated and afterward. From what I've read, it is best to do it on the days leading up to ovulation. So... if we do it again, we'll make sure that happens. Last time, some elements were out of our control. :)

Aren't you all so glad to be kept abreast of my ovulation cycles!?

Anyway, so far, nothing much to report. I'll post again on Monday with an update of the latest test or otherwise.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Beginning

As Missy stated in her blog, we went through with the first insemination last weekend using a very special martini glass :) and a syringe. The first time we did it was very intense. None of us knew what to expect... it's not like we've experienced anything like this before. And knowing that this small action could lead to a life was too much to really take in. Afterward, however, we all relaxed and each time we did it after the first was much easier. It is a pretty amazing thing to have a friend like R who is willing to give you this kind of gift. And I'm so glad we can share this with a friend who I know will be a part of our lives forever. Someone we can be totally open and honest with and who only has the best intentions. Of course, my wife isn't too bad either. :) Just kidding honey! You're going to be an amazing mom... and way more fun than I am. I don't know anyone else who could have done quite what you did for me for all those inseminations. ;D

Missy and I are both completely impatient to know if we're pregnant. I know there won't be any real signs for weeks but we already bought some pregnancy tests and can't wait until the first time we can try to test which should be this coming Thursday according to my cycle and counting 5 days before next expected period.

Every day I go back and forth on feeling like I'm pregnant or not. I hear from some reliable sources that I'll notice it in my breasts first. :) I've been charting my temperature for over a year now on and off so I'm pretty aware of my normal ranges. They say that after you conceive, your temperature starts to increase or at least stays at the heightened level from after ovulation. My temperature has been fluctuating up and down ever since my ovulation so I'm not sure what that means. It seems to correlate to how much sleep I get but I read that it can mean you conceived but your progesterone levels aren't high enough to support the pregnancy. So I've been taking wild yam along with my prenatals. Don't know if it's working or not. My sister told me I am not allowed to worry about it anymore. so...

If we are pregnant, I'll feel very blessed... and scared. If we're not, I'll be disappointed, but still hopeful because I know most women do not get pregnant the first time they try to.

Will write more as we learn more. I know many of our friends and family... and hairdressers :) are anxiously awaiting any news.

Susan's Blog

Thank you for visiting my blog. In the near future I will be documenting my experiences throughout the process of getting pregnant. Please feel free to join the discussions. For security purposes the names of the people involved have been changed.